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Children will be exposed to sickness and death at some point in their young lives because death is part of the natural cycle of life. (1) When death occurs in a family, the most important thing is not to hide or delay the truth on your child. It is best to be honest. (2)
Children between 3 and 6 years see death as something temporary. Their misconception is reinforced by cartoons in which characters pop back to life moment. (1)
When you plan to tell the child, try to find a safe and quiet place to speak to your child and think through what you are going to say. Ask him/her to sit with you and let him have his favourite toy or comforter if any. Speak slowly and pause often, to give him/her time to understand, and to give yourself time to manage your own feelings. (2)
It is important to tell him/her about death in simple and clear language because young children are concrete thinkers. For this, try not to use euphemisms like, "She has gone to sleep," "…travelled to the great beyond," or "…passed away." These phrases will not be understood and may even generate fears of sleeping or taking long trips. Instead, young children should be told that their loved one has died and "that means we will no longer be able to see him/her." Be prepared for young children to continue to ask where the deceased is or when they are coming back. (1)
You will need to give the child time to absorb this information. Young children may react by appearing not to listen. Be patient and wait for their attention. (2)
It is important to mention that some children may exhibit some behaviours such as clinging to their caregiver or show some regressive behaviours like wetting the bed. These behaviours are very common and will usually stop after a certain amount of time has passed. (2)
Dr. Elie Choueiry
Pediatrician Intensive Care Specialist- PICU HDF
